Being a new a parent is hard! I knew it would be hard and everyone tells you about being sleep deprived; but I guess I really had no idea what they really meant until I experienced it myself. I have never felt this tired in my life. I am fortunate that Baby Bear is a wonderful baby and I do get some sleep and try to sleep when she sleeps. But how I long to sleep for a long stretch at one time. To sleep for just 6 hours straight would be heavenly right now. It is just not possible for me right now since I breastfeed and she eats every 2-3 hours, once in a while she will go for 4 hours hours at night if I am lucky.
With all this lack of sleep coupled with the hormones still raging through our bodies, it is no wonder that mothers experience the baby blues. Not everyone talks about it because you are supposed to be so happy to be a mom and have this little one in your life and I am so happy. But every once in a while, my hormones get the best of me and I start crying from sadness and frustration. I have had a couple of crying bouts. I don't think it is full blown postpartum depression, but I do think I am experiencing the baby blues.
I am frustrated, exhausted, and a little lonely. It is hard being home all day alone. Papa Bear is back to work and needs to work. So that leaves me home alone with Baby Bear. I miss going to work and being around people. I miss being able to run errands without trying to time things just right with Baby Bear and her feedings. We go for walks and I have just started to go out with Baby Bear on my own for errands. I think that helps me out since I feel a little stir crazy from time to time. But it is more work to get out of the house when you have a little one to think about. I have been very lucky because so far she has been very good while we are out. Last week, we went to our cousin's graduation party at a loud restaurant and Baby Bear was wonderful, she pretty much slept through the whole thing.
I know it will get easier and I will be able to sleep again. I know I need to cherish this time because Baby Bear will grow so quickly and I won't get this time back. I am so fortunate to be able to spend all this time with her and be home. I so lucky to have such a wonderful baby. It is hard but I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. Right now we are just taking it one day at a time. I love my Baby Bear.