Baby Bear fell off the bed

This morning Baby Bear fell off the bed. She appears to be fine. She is smiling and playing and I don't see any bumps or odd behavior.

I so freaked out this morning. Baby Bear was playing on the bed with me laying next to her. I was so tired because she decided to wake up every hour last night (not an excuse, just an explanation), so I must have fallen asleep while she was playing. Papa Bear was asleep on the couch. I heard a thud and immediately got up and found her on the ground. I picked her up. I think I must have screamed because Papa Bear was running into the room. She was soothed after a minute or so of being held. She was actually smiling at Papa Bear and me. My heart was racing and I felt absolutely awful for not paying more attention. What an awful Mama Bear I am.

I know these things happen but that doesn't keep me from feeling like the most awful momma ever! Thank God that she is okay. I just keep thinking of all the bad things that could have happened. She is fine and that is all that matters. I have never felt so awful and scared in my life. I guess that is what is like to be a parent.

Don't cry over spilled milk

My breast pump is officially dead. I tried to use it this morning and there was no suction. I boxed up my pump and sent it off to Lansinoh. I am so glad they will replace the motor. I just hope the turn around time to get the new motor is pretty quick. It is hard to be without a breast pump when you use it daily.

Luckily, I am able to borrow my friend's pump again (Thank you so much, TK!!!). We have different pump schedules so that works out; she pumps in the evenings and I pump during the day. So we are tag teaming the pump motor. It is also a good thing that the pump is a closed system (as opposed to other pumps that are open systems and can not be shared) so we don't have to worry about any hygienic issues since the milk never comes in any contact with the tubing or the motor.

It will all work out. Whew! I am still going to get a manual pump as a back-up. I should have gotten one a long time ago and intended to do so but never got around it. Now I really have no choice.

To top off all my pumping drama, after my morning pump I spilled some of my hard work. I spilled some breastmilk!! No I didn't "cry over the spilled milk," but I definitely came close to it. Baby Bear better appreciate the fact that I work hard to feed her breastmilk. This breastfeeding thing is no easy task!

Papa Bear broke my pump!

After just writing about pumping at work, I come to work this morning and find that my pump is sounding kind of strange. Last week, Papa Bear moved my bag which contained my pump and as he was moving my bag, my pump fell and dropped. I didn't think anything about it since I don't pump on the weekends. So when it came time to pump this morning I realized that my pump is not so happy. It is making a strange noise and when I shake it there is something loose inside. Luckily, it seemed to work just fine today despite the sound and a strange moving part.

I called customer service today and they are going to replace the pump motor. Whew! I didn't really want to have to purchase another pump since I only have about 4 more months of pumping left.

My very good friend was kind enough to lend me her pump today, just in case. I did use it for my last pump in the afternoon and you can definitely tell a difference in the sound and suction. I also will get a manual pump asap to get me through since I have to mail the old pump motor before I can get the new motor. It is probably a good idea to have a manual pump just in case anyways. What an ordeal! Just when I think things are going smoothly in the pumping arena, a wrench gets thrown in. At least things are going to work out just fine.

Pumping at work

I've pumped over 6 gallons of breastmilk since Baby Bear was born!! Wow! Over 4 gallons of that have been pumped at work.

I've been back to work for over 3 months and I think that I have been successfully pumping at work. It is not always easy and there isn't a day that I am concerned about my supply. So far, I have been able to maintain a decent supply and pump enough for Baby Bear to consume while I am gone. But there are days that my supply is on the lower side. Luckily, I developed a pretty good freezer stash before going back to work to help on days when my supply is a bit low.

Pumping at work is no easy task, but I am determined to breastfeed for at least a year and since I work that means I have to pump as well. Fortunately, my job is very work-family friendly. I have my own office so my employer does not have to provide me with a separate space for pumping and my schedule is flexible so pumping breaks are not a big issue. Some things that every working mother who plans to pump should remember, look into your rights. Most states have laws specifically allowing women a private space and break time to pump at work.

Although it isn't always easy or fun to pump, there are definitely things that have made it bearable and easier. Here are things that have helped me be relatively successful pumping at work:

• Block time and set reminders on your calendar. This way it is on your schedule and it keeps you from scheduling meetings during those times. Sometimes, I move my blocks around a bit in certain cases, but for the most part I pump three times a day at relatively the same time of day (9:30am, 12:30pm, and 3:30pm). I put those times on my Outlook calendar and my calendar reminds me that it is time to pump.
  
• Always pump in the mornings when your supply is at its highest. I always get the most output in the mornings, so I often pump a little longer in the mornings (and there are those rare moments when I get a second let down). My supply decreases a bit through out the day, but in general my daily output is pretty consistent.
• Pump for every feeding that you miss. If possible pump one extra time to help build your freezer stash. I started my building my freezer stash while I was on maternity leave and rotate my stash so that I freeze one bottle a day and Baby Bear gets a bottle of older frozen breast milk from the freezer stash. This way the older milk doesn't expire before you can use it. (Look here for guidelines on storing and freezing breast milk). I learned this after having to trash some of my breast milk, that was heartbreaking to trash the breast milk I worked so hard to pump.
  
• Pump for at least 15 minutes or 2-3 minutes after the last drop of milk has been expressed. This will trigger your breasts to produce more milk. It is all based on supply and demand.
  
• Have a picture of your baby with you to induce a quicker letdown. I have Baby Bear's picture on my monitor background. It also helps to think about your baby and relax as you are pumping.
  
• Relax, relax, relax. I find that if I am stressed or preoccupied my pump output suffers. So it is so important to relax.
  
• Pack your pump bag the night before to make sure you have everything you'll need. You are less in a rush to get out the door in the morning with your baby. I try to get everything ready at night once Baby Bear has gone down to sleep, so that the mornings are less hectic.

Baby Bear is almost 8 months old, which means I have at least 4 more months of pumping to meet my goal. Once I meet my 1 year goal, I will reassess from there. I don't know if I will necessarily wean Baby Bear at that time, but I would like to see I can at least reduce pumping sessions. I'll have to see how Baby Bear does and follow her lead on that one. I wouldn't mind breastfeeding past the 1 year mark, I just would like to not have to pump as much. I guess we'll see how things go.

Sleeping like a baby?

Whoever coined the term "sleeping like a baby" probably didn't have a baby.

Baby Bear's night time sleep has widely improved from last week. Hallelujah! We started to sleep train using what I knew about the Ferber method 3 nights ago. We assessed that there are several of things that we would like to work on with regards to Baby Bear's sleep.

1. She wakes up excessively at night (6-8 times or more). This just began in the last month.
   
2. She often needs help getting to sleep. She is either rocked or nursed.
   
3. She does not like to sleep in her crib, she prefers to sleep in our bed. I can get her down in the crib if she is almost asleep, but after she wakes up the first time at night she will not go back down in her crib.
4. She takes very short naps and has a hard time going down for a nap without being nursed (at least that is the case when she is home with me, not when she is in daycare).

Since sleep deprivation was the biggest issue at this point in time, we decided that we would work on decreasing her night wakings first and later to work on the other issues. It was more important to me to get sleep for both of us. I also thought it would be easier to work on one thing at a time. I don't need her to sleep through the night and that was not our goal, we wanted to reduce the number of times that she woke up at night to 2.

I had been nursing her every time that she woke up thinking that she was hungry. But I realize now that Baby Bear does not need to eat every hour or every two hours. I know that she can go at least 4 hours between meals and I know she can actually go longer. So with that as my gauge, I would nurse her at times that were reasonable and not at the other times. So with those goals in mind, we went on our way to sleep training.

Night one
Baby Bear went down to sleep as usual at 7pm and after about an hour she began to cry. We used Ferber's method. She cried before going in to soothe her at the following intervals: 3 mins, 5 mins, 10 min, and 10 mins. After close to 30 minutes of crying, we finally caved in. Since I know she didn't need to be fed, Papa Bear went in to pick her up and soothe her. He said that she immediately buried her head in his chest and fell asleep. He tried to put her down in the crib but then she would cry, he put her down on our bed and laid next to her until she fell asleep. She slept in the bed the rest of the night.

That night, I actually went to sleep on the couch since I was exhausted and sick. Papa Bear slept with her. She woke up at midnight and he soothed her to sleep. I must have been exhausted since I didn't hear her that first time. I actually got to sleep for a 3-4 hour span before she woke up again at about 2:30am. I heard her on the monitor and nursed her and then slept again until about 5am. Nursed again. Woke at 6am and she slept in until 8am.

It was tough to hear her cry and every time I went in to soothe her, her cries were worse. I think it make it worse when I go in to tell her she is okay. But she slept considerable better than last week, even though we caved in. She was only up 5 times, which was an improvement. I also learned that she could go 4 hours without nursing, actually she was able to go almost 7 hours. So that reinforced that 4 hours was a reasonable goal.

Night two
Baby Bear went down to sleep as usual in her crib at 7pm and again after an hour she began to cry. I went into soothe her at 5 mins. After another 10 min., Papa Bear didn't want to go any further and went in to pick her up and again he put her down on our bed and laid down with her until she fell asleep. She slept with us the rest of the night. She woke at 12:30am and I rocked her but did not nurse her since I knew from the night before that she did not need to nurse. She woke up at about 3am to nurse, then she was up at 5am and I rocked her back to sleep. She was up at 6:30am and I nursed her and she was up for the day.

She was up 4 times. It was getting better.

Night three
I put Baby Bear down to sleep as usual at 7pm and put her in her crib. This time she did not wake up an hour after she was put down. She slept until 10pm. We let her cry for 10 minutes and then Papa Bear went in to soothe her and put her down in our bed. (Papa Bear is not so good with letting her cry). She was up at 12:30am, 3am, and 6:30am.

We are still at the 4 times in a night. But she is learning that she does not need to nurse all those times. We will see how it goes tonight. I feel things are going much better and maybe because I am recovering from my cold I am feeling a little more rested. Although, I still long for the night where I can sleep for longer than 4 hours. We will keep at it and I know that time will come. For now, sleep training is going pretty well. I have been told that consistency is the key. I will keep on, it isn't always easy, but then again nothing about parenting is really that easy anyways.

By the book
I was just able to read parts of Ferber's book yesterday and although I started before reading the book I was very happy to learn that what we were doing by reducing the number of feedings at night is along with what he discusses in the book. He suggests to gradually replace feedings with another type of parental intervention, like rocking to sleep. After the association with feeding is gone, you can start teaching the child to fall asleep on her own. That was what I had been doing when she would wake up and it was not time to nurse. I am glad to have some reassurance that we are working in the right direction.

I feel like what we are doing is working for us. It may be going slowly, but we have seen improvement. And since consistency is key, we just need to give it more time. If I can reduce night waking to 2 times, then maybe we can eventually get it down to only 1 time and then none. After we get this down, then maybe we can work on the other sleep issues. One thing at a time. This parenting thing is no easy task and it helps me to break things down into more manageable pieces.

Maybe in time, I will be sleeping like a baby!!!

The Godparents

How did we choose our Godparents? We did not make the decision lightly. Besides being Catholic, we wanted the Godparents to be people who were close and important to us. We wanted them to be people that we wanted to share in Baby Bear's life and would also help teach her in our faith (well, my faith since Papa Bear is not Catholic). We wanted them to be people we wanted in our lives as well. Papa Bear and I each decided that we would each get to choose one of the Godparents. I would select the Godmother and he would select the Godfather.

It was a no brainer for me, when it came to selecting Baby Bear's Godmother. Her Godmother is one of my bestest friends. I have known her since I was in the 7th grade and we have been through so much together. She was my matron of honor and I could not think of anyone better to be my Baby Bear's Godmother. I knew right away that I wanted her to be my Baby Bear's Godmother and I was so thrilled when she accepted. It makes me so happy to have her as my daughter's Godmother.

The Godfather is Papa Bear's cousin (he is technically Papa Bear's step-dad's nephew, but we don't really believe in the "step" thing so in our book that makes him our cousin). When Papa Bear told me who he wanted as the Godfather, I was very pleased. I thought he was the perfect person to be Baby Bear's Godfather. When Papa Bear asked him, he was so excited and honored. He is a wonderful guy and we are so honored to have him as Baby Bear's Godfather.

Baptism

On Sunday, Baby Bear was baptized. She was so beautiful and did so amazing. She did not cry when the water was poured on her head and she was wonderful through the whole thing. She is always amazing so this of course did not surprise me. She looked absolutely adorable in her baptism gown. It was a very nice service. There was one other baby who was also baptized at that time. So it was a very nice small, intimate service. We had the grandparents and the Godparents. It was small but very special.

Sadly my camera died half way through, but fortunately Grandma Bear had her camera. So I will have to get her photos later. Here is a picture with her Godparents before my camera died.



I am going to dress her up again next weekend and get a few more pictures of her in her dress. She will never wear it again, so I might as well.

Oh so tired

I am still sleep deprived and tired. It is definitely time for some sleep training. We are thinking about using the Ferber method to help her sleep better. The problem in not getting her to sleep, but getting her to stay a sleep. She is waking up way too much during the night (6 times last night!). I am okay with nursing her once maybe even twice a night, but lately it has been way too much.

I read a couple of books on sleep when Baby Bear was still a newborn. I first read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I liked the research in it and the discussion on sleep signs. It also talked about putting a baby to sleep earlier at night, which I did do very early on (around 2-3 months) and that really helped. However, I did not feel comfortable with letting a baby cry it out as long as it takes to get them to sleep at night. It seems too harsh for me and I am still not willing to do that. I also read the No Cry Sleep Solution and have used many of the techniques, such as the Pantley Pull Off method and introducing a bedtime routine (I started that around 3 months). While it is a gentle technique, which is what attracted me to it, it has not enough to help us. I think it is time to try something else out. I really don't want to let her cry, but I don't know if I have much of a choice at this point. I am tired and I need some sleep. Maybe Ferber will be my happy medium.

Having her cry is so hard for me. I am waiting for the Ferber book to arrive so I can read it and better understand it. Then I can decide if we can brave it out to let her cry a bit. My basic understanding is that you progressively lengthen the amount of time you let the baby cry before going in to soothe her. You start off with 3 minutes and then go in to soothe, but do not pick up or hold her (that will be the hardest thing for me). Then leave again, gradually lengthening the amount of time (e.g., 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes, etc.) you allow them to cry until they fall asleep. They still have to cry, but it is not as harsh as letting them cry-it-out for as long as it takes without soothing them.

A part of me keeps thinking it will just get better and I won't have to do any sleep training, but it has been over a week. It was a little better last night. At least she wasn't up in the middle of the night refusing to go back to sleep. I am just so hesitant and I am not sure why. I think I might just need to suck it up if I want any sleep.

Any words of wisdom or advice from experiences parents out there?

Who needs sleep anyways?

Baby Bear has decided that she doesn’t really need to sleep at night any more. For the last 3 nights she has been getting up every 1-2 hours at night. I don’t know exactly what happened and what is causing this. She never did sleep through the night, but it wasn't this bad. She used to wake 2 times a night to nurse and I can deal with that. But every 1-2 hours is not working for me at all.

Last night was the absolute worst. She was up at about 3 am and didn't go back to sleep until 5 am. I nursed her when she got up at 3 am and usually she would go back down to sleep, but not last night. She was awake and wanted me to hold her and play. I was so tired from lack of sleep that I was not in the mood to play. Besides it was 3 in the morning! So I lay her next to me in bed and then she started crying. I knew she wasn't hungry since I had just nursed her. I tried to soothe her but she wanted me to hold her. I was getting so frustrated that I had to put her back in her crib and let her cry it out. I had to do it for me and for her. I was watching the clock and told myself I would only let her go for 5 minutes max. That was rough. I wanted to pick her up because I felt awful that she was crying and that I knew exactly what she wanted, but after about 3 minutes she stopped crying. She didn't go back to sleep, rather she was playing in her crib by herself. At least she wasn't crying. That lasted for about 30 minutes when she started crying again. She wanted me and I picked her up and nursed her again. Finally she went to sleep. She slept for an hour and then woke again to nurse and then slept another hour before it was time to get up and start our day. I am a walking zombie today and I had to go to work since I had an important meeting scheduled today.

Where was Papa Bear in all this? Papa Bear slept through it all and I don't know how he did. She was screaming. In the morning, when I told him what happened, he asked why I didn't wake him. I don't know why, I really should have woken him up to help me deal with it but I guess I figure one of us should get sleep and I was already awake. He told me next time to wake him up when I get that frustrated so that he can help. He is a good Papa Bear, I will definitely be waking him up if this happens tonight.

Maybe this change in sleep patterns has to do with me going back to work after a two week break. Being home with Baby Bear for two weeks was great, but it really took her off of her normal schedule. Maybe she just needs a little more time to adjust. When I was home with her, at least I could nap during the day with her, but now that I am back to work napping is not an option. This is not working for me at all. I am trying to be patient and see how things go in the next few nights since my work week is now done and I will be home, but I am seriously considering sleep training. If this continues, I cannot function with this little sleep and we are going to have to do something about this. This Mama Bear needs some sleep in order to be a good momma.

7 months old!

Look who's 7 months old! Wow, did those 7 months fly by.

New milestones:

• Baby Bear can now sit up all by herself for a good period of time.
• Baby Bear roars. It is so funny when she roars, I guess she really is a bear!
• She loves to manipulate all kinds of toys with her hands and of course put them all in her mouth. Everything goes in her mouth! She bangs her toys and she can move a toy from one hand to another.
  
• When she is on her tummy she will scoot backwards. Not quite in a crawling position, but she is working on getting on her knees. Although, she is still not a fan of being on her tummy.
• Baby Bear has 4 teeth! You can see her bottom teeth in the next picture.
• Baby Bear has been on solid foods for over a month and is not really a fan of eating. She has tried sweet potato, rice cereal, banana, oatmeal, butternut squash, avocado, and pears. She can take it or leave it.
  
• Baby Bear is a happy girl and loves to smile. She is very active and loves to dance and moves to the beat of the music pretty well.
  

In this picture, you can see her bottom teeth. Isn't she so cute!



She is such a happy baby!! Oh, how I love her.