Parenting

Being a developmental psychologist by training, I have read about different types of parenting styles. You would think I would know exactly how I want to parent and what to do. But wow, there are just so many choices and ways to approach things. I don't considered myself as prescribing to a single type of parenting. Instead I am a bit of a sampler and I take from all the philosophies and books that I have read what works best for our family lifestyle and situation. I guess I have an eclectic parenting style. I like to look at the empirical research behind many theories and ideas but in the end I know that what works for one family doesn't always work for another. There is quite a bit of factors that need to be considered that account for the variance.

***I know for the most part I say "I," but really this should be "we." Papa Bear and I are pretty much together on parenting.***

So far what has worked for us has related to what seems to be a popular trend lately, attachment parenting popularized by Dr. Sears. I wouldn't call myself an attachment parent by any means but I do like the 8 principles and I have practiced some strategies encouraged by attachment parenting: I did and still wear my baby, I am practicing "extended" breastfeeding, and I co-sleep/bedshare. I did not do these things because I decided I wanted to follow the attachment parenting philosophy; we practice these strategies because it seemed to work with our family and felt right to us. But I also practice other strategies which makes me more of an eclectic parent. In the end it is all about what works.

I enjoyed wearing Baby Bear and it really helped a lot early on to wear her in my Moby wrap and now in the Ergo carrier. I still wear her from time to time. There are a lot of benefits to wearing your baby and it is great for their development. It is really convenient when Baby Bear wants to be held and carried around, it keep my hand free and it so much more comfortable for my arms especially since Baby Bear is getting heavier. But on the other hand, I do use a stroller and let her play on her own and walk on her own which may be associated with other types of parenting styles.

I did not really plan to practice extended breastfeeding. I only knew that I set a goal to breastfeed for 1 year and I was fortunate to be successful at it and I am still doing so. It just happened. I am not sure when I plan to fully wean Baby Bear but so far it works for us. Right now I am only pumping once a day at work and nursing her in the morning, nights, and weekends. It feels right and I will continue until she decides to self-wean or I decide to wean her. Unlike what is encouraged by attachment parenting, I did try to put Baby Bear on a feeding schedule and it just never seemed to work, so we always worked off of her cues. I wish she would have been on more of a schedule when she was younger. Now as she is older she is somewhat on a general schedule and that has worked really well for us. We have a little bit of structure to our day, which is something we all need as a family.

We definitely did not want to co-sleep for as long as we have been. It just happened and it is how Baby Bear sleeps best at night. With all the struggles that we had with sleep, we do it because it is the best way for us all to get some sleep. I will admit that before having Baby Bear I was really adamant that I did not want to bedshare at all. I guess things change when you are operating on so little sleep. Now it just seems to work and I am not interested in sleep training; we tried it and it worked temporarily. We are not interested in trying it again, it was not for us and our parenting philosophy. I would love not to bedshare, but for now it is what works.

One thing I did want to do that is often associated with attachment parenting was cloth diaper (although I do use cloth swim diapers!). Cloth diapering just did not fit into our lifestyles (and Papa Bear was not totally convinced to do it). I find that being a working mother I have to make some choices about how I really want to spend my free time. I can barely keep up with our regular laundry as it is and I knew we would not be able to keep up with cloth diapering if that was the case. I have learned to let that go.

So far, I feel fairly good about the parenting choices we have made so far (of course, we have only been doing this parenting thing for a year and we have a lifetime more of parenting to do). I am a researcher and that tendency to do research extends into many parts of my life; parenting be one of them. Sometimes, I know it is a wonderful thing because I can feel confident that I am fully informed in the decisions I make. On the other hand, it can drive me crazy and lead me to so much indecision and causes me to over think certain situations. I am working on that one. I just hope as we continue to strive to be the best parents we can be for Baby Bear that Papa Bear and I make the best decisions we can for our family. What we need to remember is that there is no right or wrong (as long as Baby Bear is safe, healthy, and happy); it is all about what is right for you and your family!